The Sugar, Sticky, Sweet Stuff That Ultimately Gives You A Cavity: Pursuing an Authentic Love

"During the time I had spent pursuing my Lord, 
was a time that He was cultivating my heart and preparing it to love Austin. 

Not in an ushy-gushy way, but in the way that Christ loves me. 

Authentically."

A few weeks ago, Austin and I were talking about something from right before we had gotten married, and he said, "You know, I'm really glad we're over that sappy stuff." After seeing my confused, and slightly hurt facial expression, he said, "Now it's all real love." This statement got me thinking. I'm very glad that we are over the "sappy stuff", and that we are now able to experience an authentic love. 

It was the "sappy stuff" that once got me into a very hard place. 

So, I want to share a little about the things I learned, and the truths that I now know.
If there was one thing I wish I had known, is that until you surrender your greatest insecurities to God, you will be constantly battling them, and looking for ways to compensate for them. 

Looking for ways to "fill the void". 

It wasn't that I didn't know that I was supposed to give things up to Jesus, it's just a lot harder said than done. It wasn't until I realized what a mess I was did I fully understand what that statement meant. 

In my pursuit to compensate for the areas in which I felt inadequate, I ended up falling victim to the seduction of the sugar, sticky, sweet stuff. It was with these empty words and actions that I vigorously tried to fill my void, but to no avail ( surprise, surprise.) 

You see, I got so tangled up trying to make myself feel better, that I was willing to believe anything. The further I went down this road, the further away I was from the God who's love for me was overflowing. This broke my heart, but the situation seemed hopeless. 

I was no longer impressed by the fluff, that at first appeared good but now seemed to have given me a cavity.

 A cavity within the heart. 

A hole, a void, a true longing to be filled had developed in my heart. And I knew needed to happen. I needed a good cleaning, a washing of my sin, and a surrendering of myself to Christ. I needed to be filled with the only One who could satisfy. The One who said I was beautiful, and I knew that I could believe it. The One who could look past all my shortcomings and failures and still call me His child. 

Last Spring & Summer was a transformation of my life. One that opened my eyes to the Love that satisfies. 
It was an authentic love. 

At the very beginning of this process, Austin and I had started to talk. However, I needed to invest the time into my relationship with my 

One True Love,

 Jesus Christ. 

It was a long, eye opening season of my life, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Occasionally, I would receive encouraging emails from Austin, but not once did he interfere with my ever so necessary time in growing my relationship with Christ. 

You know that cliche saying, "Dance with God and He will let the perfect man cut in."? It's true. At just the right time, God allowed Austin to come into my life and sweep me off my feet. This time, my heart was protected and guided by my Heavenly Father. I knew that unless I wanted to end up exactly where I had started, I would have to trust His will over mine. God orchestrated something so much more beautiful than anything I could have dreamed or hoped for. During the time I had spent pursuing my Lord, was a time that He was cultivating my heart and preparing it to love Austin. 

Not in an ushy-gushy way, but in the way that Christ loves me. 

Authentically.

What I learned from my experience is that when we take the reigns, and incessantly wander in a search for something to fill our heart, we usually end up in a downward spiral headed towards catastrophe. But if we let the free and incessant love of God cover us and fill us, we are protected from so much unnecessary hurt. 

In my case, all I wanted was to know that I was valuable. That I had worth. Instead of seeing what was right before my eyes, and after a hopeless search, all I ended up with was an empty, torn, and used heart. 

But the truth is this:

I am more precious to God than I could ever be to anyone on this earth.

Period.

I no longer carry the burdens that held my heart captive. If it hadn't been for Christ coming in to save the day, I would not have been able to authentically love Austin, because I still would be trying to fill that void in my heart. No matter how hard I would have tried, I never would have been satisfied. I still would still be filling my heart with whatever new sickening sweet stuff the world came up with. 

But, I am filled.

Filled with Him. 

And because of this, I can love my husband with a "real" love.

I wish I could say that I was the only one who had the unfortunate journey down the road of emptiness, however, I am not. All over the world there are men, women, teens, and children searching for something or someone to fill the voids in their hearts. 

It is my wish that those who are traveling the road of emptiness will come to a crossroad of where emptiness collides with God's true love. And that they would choose to allow God's love to pour over them, and allow Him to direct their paths. 
That they will not fall for the sugar, sticky, sweet stuff that the world feeds us, and that they will be satisfied in & through Christ. 

There is a true & authentic love out there, 

it's called Jesus. 

Pursue Him.

For now,
Rachel Papp