I originally had planned to save this post until our one year anniversary, however, the fact is that the vows I wrote are
an everyday challenge.
They are words that are tried and tested day after day, and more so than one would expect. And so, while I'm sure I would have more stories and life application after a year, I think now is an appropriate time because recently I've been examining the promises which I have made, and trying to hold myself accountable to those promises.
In the process of preparing for our wedding day, Austin and I opted to write our own vows. It wasn't that anything was wrong with traditional vows, they just didn't say everything that I wanted to say. So, I sat down, and began to list off the things that I wanted live by in my marriage (Can I just say that it is an incredibly daunting task?). However, I narrowed it down to a few different areas that I wanted to address specifically.
Each of the areas I chose to address were there for a reason.
Situations,
circumstances,
and things I had seen,
had an incredible influence on my vows.
I'm a people watcher and for years I have taken mental notes on the little things that made a difference in marriages.
Some, I wanted to replicate in my own life.
Others, I wanted to prevent.
My vows were a product of the life I had lived and the life I wanted to have.
My vows started out like any usual vows you would hear..
"I, Rachel E. Adkins take you, Austin V. Papp, to be my husband."
To be honest, I went back and forth on this first line. It wasn't original, it didn't seem valuable, and in my head it was terribly cliche. I originally had gotten rid of it altogether because I felt it was unnecessary and lengthened my vows.
However, the more I thought about it, the more I saw it not only necessary but
incredibly moving.
When you take someone in marriage, you are saying that you take
ALL
of them.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Their talents, dreams, and goals.
Their flaws, imperfections, and their failures.
Their Strengths and weaknesses.
But not only that, you are committing yourself to that person. To be their wife. To be their husband. To be more than just another person living with them, and to be their life partner. Choosing them over the anyone else in this world, and committing your life to them.
What an incredible love & dedication.
The next sentence was something that I felt should be first and foremost, for our family was and is to be built on God, trusting Him, and loving like He has loved us.
"Before God and our families, I vow to uphold you in prayer, to pray with you daily, and to love you unconditionally as Christ has loved me."
Prayer.
All of my life, I have heard the saying "A family that prays together stays together." And I believe it with all of my heart. Coming before Christ and surrendering your heart, desires, and daily life as a family can be so powerful. It may not always fix the problems, but I believe there will always be a peace about the issues at hand.
It's probably one of the simplest things a husband and wife can do together, but somehow it's one that seems so incredibly tough to follow through with. I'll be honest, I really struggle to find the time to pray together with Austin. It's easy for me to pray by myself, it's daily, and it's part of my routine.
However, that prayer together is more important than what I think most of us realize.
I have been blessed to see some incredible love between couples over the years. But the one that continues to amaze me daily is
the unconditional love of my Savior, Jesus Christ.
His love is never failing, and He continues to love me even though I fail Him daily.
His love is inspiring and I knew that
because He loves me,
I, too, can love.
And so, I am called to love Austin unconditionally, and I included that in my vows because
we will both fail each other.
We will disappoint one another.
We will argue with one another.
We will sin against one another.
All of these things will happen because we are sinful beings.
Humans.
Imperfect.
But, no matter what, I will have the forgiveness to forgive because Christ has forgiven me.
And so, my love will be relentless,
never giving up,
because I will love Austin with an unconditional love as Christ has loved me.
"I promise to respect you as a man, as my husband, and as the leader of our home."
So often I see wives, young and old, taking the lead in a marriage. While I believe that most wives like this have good intentions, this type of family structure is not how God intended it. (See Ephesians 5:23, 1 Corinthians 11:3, etc.) But the Bible states clearly in Ephesians 5:33 that it is the wife's job to respect her husband.
And for myself, I believe that respecting my husband includes respecting him and the fact that he has the final say.
I used to believe that if a husband wasn't doing his job in leading that it was okay for the mother to step in and lead, however, this thinking was demolished by a statement that I heard about two years ago. While I cannot remember the exact statement, I am positive it was something Eric or Leslie Ludy had said. It was something along the lines of,
"A man who isn't even trying to lead is still better than a woman who gives 110%."
And they went on to explain that the reason for that is because women are not supposed to lead, they are designed for a different purpose.
Men are to lead, women are to follow.
It's simply how God made us. Personally, since I so very badly want to prevent overstepping the boundaries as a wife, I felt it was necessary to verbally state and promise that I was going to respect Austin.
Respect him as my husband.
Respect his position,
and respect his decisions.
End.
The Vow Series: Part 1.
For Now,
Rachel Papp